I was away, away from my routine, away from a shady boyfriend, from unpleasant reality. I was face to face with my thoughts, I saw the situation from a different angle now. There was nothing but a numb feeling, no pain, no tears, but full supression and heaviness in the head. No one wants to wake up one morning and realize that she was a toy in someone’s hands, that the phrase ‘I love you’ means nothing, and which is worse, the anonym all this time was trying to save me from the fortune that she had herself with that man.
What was he doing when I was away? Where was he? With whom? Was there any other girl to whom he said the same things?
I ran out of money on my phone, and I did not recharge it. I really needed this silence, and I did not want to talk to him. In silence, I realised that I gave up so many things I loved so much for this relationship to succeed. It was costly to travel to the city he lived in, I did not see my friends because he was too exhausted to meet anyone. I did not travel to my favourite country because he was so jealous about it. But what for were all these sacrifices?
Not visiting my favourite country, the place will cure all my problems and my soul, the place where I will much more home than in the real home, was a betrayal towards me. I knew that if I buy tickets to the opposite corner of Europe, he will be furious. He will blame me for ruining our relationship, questioning his love to me, and simply acting like a b#tch.
So, I booked the flights for September..