It was the day of departure. My boyfriend and I still were communicating like nothing happened. We both were closing our eyes on reality, I was avoiding serious conversations, he ignored the idea I was leaving. But it all was clear.
When I landed in my favourite country, I felt the relief. I was in the best place of the world, in the place where I feel more home than actually at home. I was in euphoria despite the enormous tiredness.
I was away for 10 days. What happened? How did it change my life?
Sometimes, being far a way from routine is already a good problem solution. I could see things from outside and I did not want to get back inside ever again. My ex was texting me the stuff that he loves me and misses me so badly. I was replying but I could not any more react on this. Enough is enough. He started asking me in his messages if I miss him. I ignored this. He was checking when I go to bed and wake up via some applications which show the last time you have been online. I was cold, I did not explain anything.
I had a friend there, we never had a chance to learn much about each other. This year we spent most of the time together. I remember sitting in the cafe with him and feeling not even tension but thunderstorm. My mouth was dry, hands – sweaty, legs – heavy, eyes – foggy, when he was near. The passion took over. The passion I never knew exists. The biggest connection I felt. I could not imagine the two can really be the one.