As I already mentioned in my previous posts, I decided to stay away from men for awhile and take care of myself. And I follow my plan.
A while ago, in summer, on Instagram I got a message from a man. He is a professor in my favourite country, he lived sometime in the country I live now, and he is in love with my home country (sounds a bit complex, sorry!). We started chatting and he added me on facebook. We had short conversations, nothing personal, more related to the academic life.
Two weeks ago, that man texted me and informed that will be a visiting professor for a week in the country I live, and he asked if I have time to meet and chat. On Friday last week, I was in that city (it is very close to the city I live in) and I said that we can meet. For me it was all a friendly meeting with the smart educated man I never saw in my life. So, I did not consider the meeting romantic in any away.
We met in a cafe, and he said he will pay my coffee. I wanted to pay myself, but I accepted his offer because the sum was minimal and it is normal for men to pay for a woman in his country. We had a really nice conversation about academic life in general. He was easy to communicate with, again I did not consider him as a potential affair because he was simply not in my taste, he was too old for me (14 years older) and because I needed time to be alone. More than enough.
But something went wrong! No, not from my side! I missed the point when a friendly meeting turned to a date! I felt awkward! I did not know how to react!
So, I said to him that my bus leaves in 2 hours. He said that I should eat something before that. Make sense, right? He pushed me to go to a restaurant instead of grabbing a sandwich. Well.. ok… it is a proper meal then. He pushed into taking a glass of wine with the meal, it is Friday after all! Time to pay has come. Of course, I planned to pay my part myself. But he did not allow. The waiter came, and the situation got really awkward. I was forced to accept that he pays.. That was a real psychological game going on…
After he paid, he took my hand and started telling me how awesome I am, how happy he is to meet me, that I am smart and beautiful and.. he feels strong connection between us.
WHAAAAAT? I do not feel any connection, I feel ANTIconnection after those words. I was so shocked and I remained silent.. He continued his speech that he wants to read the books I read and other bullsh#t. Of course, he wanted me to stay and not go back. I had a second to create a reason I need to go. I do not even remember what I came up with. Does not matter.
Luckily, it was the time to go to the bus station. He wanted to go there with me, I was telling him that there is no need, but he was very pushy.
Damn… the bus is laaaaaateeee! I want to leave now!!!!
Then, he hugged me and try to kiss, I turned away. He kept hugging me, I squeezed out from his hand. It all was happening in a crowded place. I did not want to him to approach me but he did not read the message. He continued interfering my private space and I continued to push him away. It was so awkward. I did not want to make a scene in a public place.
The bus came, and he hugged me again, saying that he adores me so much and then he said: “It was clear it’s gonna work for us already before, but now I am sure. I am back in April, and we must do something together then”. WHAAAT?
I have 2 explanations: either he is mental or he is a terrible manipulative person. He is so smart and educated that I hardly believe that he did not realize what he was doing. His social skills are also fine, we met so many his friends, and they were really happy yo see him.
It is unbelievable but he exactly reminded me my ex who was telling me the same loud word so quickly. This type of men have women in different cities and actively bullsh#t to them, so that next time they are in town they have a quality company.
What really surprises me is their self-esteem! They think if they tell a woman that they are seriously interested, the woman will met down… sorry, no!!!! Women are different, and nowadays to get married is not the main goal. More then that… Have you seen yourself in a mirror? I am not attracted!
Unlike my ex, this man was even more dangerous because he was super good in manipulations. He gradually turned a friend-type meeting into a date.. and he did a lot to suppress my will!
And yes, the blame is on me, too. I should have been stronger! He just noticed that I am a nice person who does not make scenes in public and who is very soft. I can’t believe I let it happen. This just supports what my friends told me: “There are always weird men around you”. I have to admit, yes, there are. And the problem is that I let it happen. I do need time to make myself stronger, so this will never happen again.