There is much happened. I don’t want to go into details.
Things got complicated, strange, and painfully clear.
With all his behaviour, he was telling me that he accepts my attraction, but where did his go?
I also was thinking why he. He is not the most handsome, he is not the smartest, his social skills are much to be desired. But still…
At some point, I started thinking that he simply triggered the memories about the man I loved a bit less than 6 years ago.
This weekend I realise that this guy does not trigger anything, he is just a similar person, complicated, lost, undetermined. For some reason, I can’t resist this type of men. I love the mystery, I love mixture. He could easily be one of the Dostoevsky’s character. Such type of people are in crowd, but lonely, they are attentive, but they don’t care, they are cold, they are indifferent. They make your heart sank.
I know pretty soon that this will not last, but I can’t stay away. There is some masochistic act in it, absolutely. Bittersweet pain, which is cured in bed. Cured… or like a drug, makes me feel better for a while, and then makes craving for him even more.