I still think of him.. It is not any more obsession I had about him, but he is still on my mind. He is piercing me all through still. I feel it less and less, I am progressing. I am coping. As I told you in a previous post, I stuck. No motivation, no strength to move forward.
There is one thought I caught myself on… It is a crazy thought. It is not my thought. I can’t have it on my mind, at least I never had before. I just wanna f#ck around.It is insane because I am absolutely a ‘good girl’ type. I never even did one night stands. It is not my thing. It was not. I am so tired of being good, polite. I am tired of being an angel. Men don’t respect angels. I wanna go on a dark side now. I want to make them crazy about me. I want them crave for me. I want them to beg me stay but I won’t. I am not any more afraid to hurt people because they are not afraid to hurt me. I just want to do what I feel like and not depend on anyone’s opinion. There is a devil inside me, and always been. I should say my parents did a great work to suppress it. But I am done. I am done with being nice. I am done with being used. It is time to switch the side.