April Update

April Update

It was a long time since my last post. So, here are some updates on my new rules:

  • no alcohol

This goes smoothly. I did not drink at all, and it was so easy to stay away from drinking. I see this so differently now. Drinking for me was in a way self-hurting and masochistic, and now I do like myself and I do not want to hurt me in any way.

  • no sex

No sex without feelings will be better to say. Nothing happened in this area, too. I was away from it because I did not meet the guy I really like and who likes me as well. Being with a guy just for sex is kind of rape over self, I just don’t understand how I could do it before. No wonder there were crazy men and weird situations happening to me all the time, this is what you get when you do not have any self-respect.

My leg still did not recover, but it is much better now. I take it easy, I finally do care of myself, I eat healthy and do yoga. To be honest, I am still weak on this. I feel that I am just on a way to strong self-respect and self-awareness. But if I look back on me even just one months ago, I see difference.

My warm wishes,

K.

 

The End of Life or the Beginning of New One?

We all had moments when absolutely everything goes wrong: work, relationships, health, friends. I am exactly on the same phase right now. Relationship sucks, or I  basically have none. My work contract ends in May, and no other job is found. My leg is still not fine, and my friends hardly understand what I am going through. I am not depressed, I just feel that I stuck, I do not develop, I do not move on.

Way out? To quite the job a bit earlier than the contract ends and go to my favourite country for 2 months. Crazy? Yes! It is a financial suicide, but I just take this risk no matter what. There are only few people know about this, and none of them is my friend… I don’t want them to know anything.

This is insane what I am doing. I do not have any plans what I gonna do there, I do not expect anything. I simply want to be away for a while. I do need to be away.

 

Friday With Friends

Friday With Friends

Yesterday, I texted to the guy and asked his plans for the evening as I planned before. I really needed to see his reaction. I don’t know what I expected because we broke up not in the nicest way.

He replied that he is going to housewarming party, and he asked about my leg. That was basically all the conversation we had. He did not suggest another day to meet, neither did I. It is all clear, everything is over and not gonna return. Strange feeling. It brings be back to the question if I ever will be loved. For now, it seems that I just walk in circles, back and forth.

I could be in a low mood the whole evening, thinking what is wrong in me. Luckily, my friends came over and saved me from unpleasant thoughts.