It was Monday, the next day was a national holiday. I decided to be proactive and ask about his plans. He did not hurry with the answer, then he said that we can go to 2 different parties, and people there are very open-minded and they lived abroad. It felt strange because the fact that I am a foreigner was obviously some kind of a problem for him…
But we went to a party, and it was amazing, I had a great time, and finally.. I met some of his friends. I felt inspired, I felt happy, I felt he is becoming serious about me.
Our communication from the very beginning was full of alert signs which I did not see, or better to say which i simply ignored…
At some point, I started talking to the host and one more man. They were smart, they had great social skills and amazing sense of humour. I had great time with them. and honestly, I tried to impress them… so that my Luno will be proud of me…
When we were walking home, Luno said that the host and the other man I talked to are bad people, well, bad towards women, they are players, they do terrible things behind back, and that I should stay away from them…
Hmmm… I did not really care because I was with Luno, I just had a nice conversation… And why on earth telling me about their dark sides if I asked nothing about them?
So, he was back from his trip to Madrid. It was Friday, and we met for dinner. This time, I was the on who initiated the date. I wanted to tell me about my feeling which I started having. Yes, only after 3 weeks. But I thought that its good to know what he is up too and break our communicated if we are not on the same page, to break it before the feelings are too strong.
And I did, carefully and uncertainly. He was not happy about it. He told me things are going to fast, and we should enjoy the moment. Now, it is too early to think of anything.
After that, we had a weird forced talk in the car for more than 3 hours. Then, we drove to his rented flat because in his own the ex was living (read more in the previous post). Yes, it was a stupid decision. I know I should have gone home, but I was already too much poisoned with Luno…
First f all, as many posts will be about that man, I decided to give him a name or nickname, whatever – Luno. That’s a mixture of letter from his real name and very close to ‘lunatic’ which also describes him well.
So, my dear Luno had problems with a flat. His ex did not want to leave the apartment which he owned. He was very calm about it, and I was sincerely not understanding what on earth is going on. As far as I know, they were not together for almost 8 months. Further more, if you break up with someone, staying in the apartment is for sure a strange way to deal with the whole thing… Another thing, why let a woman stay in the flat and be basically homeless because he did not want to leave with her anymore, which is very much understandable after a break up.
So, he found a flat to rent, really expensive, basically some of my friends’ month salary is the price of the apartment’s rent… Hmmm… So he could afford to pay two extremely expensive places, but he could not afford to pay me a dinner or even a stay in the farm. No, I am not a gold digger, but as my income is very low, and if man actually can afford moer than normally, why not to make some input…
And of course the location of the flat… It was close to the place where his own apartment was. As he said, it was a pure accident, he just found a place there which was affordable and nice.
Damn… it all was months ago, and I hate that f”’cking piece of sh’t!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up on Monday morning really relaxed and I did not care much of him. I was very surprised that he texted me at 11 asking how I am doing, how I slept, of course he used all this kissing smilies. Hmmm… I ready had a concern, and the main ting I was surprised about him texting me as I pretty much thought that it all was an end. But it turned out that it wasn’t.
He asked when we could meet and that he misses me very much. I said Tuesday.
On Tuesday, things were nice. Then, he had a trip for Madrid. I had some strange feeling. No, it was not love or anything close to it, it was some dependence, attachment. Not a good one, more like an addiction to a drug, which makes you feel good but ruins you at the end. Yes, it was that…
I was begging him to meet on Friday, when he is back. I felt he is sleaping away, but I was already addicted…
By the way, I don’t remember if I told you this or not. There was a strange story about his apartment, I will tell more next tim!
Just before leaving the place, he turned out to be in bed. Again, he started telling me strange things:
– This moment was nice, even if it will never repeat again.
What the hell!! Yes, this is the thing you tell to a woman a minute after you were so close. yep.. He continued his marvellous speech
– Ocean, this farm, you, me. All so perfect, the moment. No future, no past. and there wont be any future.
I got super upset with these words. Indeed, we don’t know what gonna happen tomorrow. Indeed, it is very unlikely that we will get married and start a family. Even the fact of being a boyfriend and a girl friend is pretty much under the question, but still… Very strange phrase at the beginning of our communication…
I just decided to think about my work and studies rather than a man whose mood is shifting much more often than mine… And of course, on the way back, he was nice again. He was so caring and attentive, he was holding my hand, kissing me. And I was happy to be with him again.
We woke up and went for a walk. When we were back, we got some passion going on. What he said to me was insane:
-So you took condoms. It means that you expected something.
-Well, everything could happen.
-And I did not take at all. I did not expect.
Again, I was a bad person, I expected something, and he is an angel, who did not consider anything happening. It went even more insane:
-How many did you take?
-10. A pack.
-You came to this country to fu’k..
That is exactly what you say when you are in bed with woman who actually takes care of her health… The desire went away.
-You are really tight there, young boys gonna be crazy about it, but I am experienced man, I can separate sex and the rest.
I left for my room and fell asleep.
Yes, the morning started from his figures inside.
That was probably the most pleasant moment of the day. We went to the beach, but he was cold and distant, we was far away in his thoughts and I simply did not know what to do and how to react. He was telling me that he wants back to indonesia from where he just return, people are so nice there and everything has soul, not like here. I was pretty much confused as it related in a way to me. It literarily meant I am not good enough. That was a strange moment to experience with a man who put some effort to get you and took for a weekend away.
Things were just getting worse, I really regretted that I did not have a chance to escape because the place was absolutely isolated and I do not drive.
At some point, he completely ignore me. It was tough to handle because there were only 2 people in the house: me and he… There were even some aggressive moments. I was very surprised to see him like that, he turned to me another side.
I was getting tired, and I went to bed. He came to wish me a good night as we still spelt in separate rooms.
And things just happened, our first time was awkward… when everything finished, he said that it happened too soon. Well, we knew each other for 8 months although I was in another country and we spent 2 weeks together before it all happened. Not that soon I guess… Again, because of that small phase I felt bad. Again, I was not good enough. I was a slut, I was an easy girl