First f all, as many posts will be about that man, I decided to give him a name or nickname, whatever – Luno. That’s a mixture of letter from his real name and very close to ‘lunatic’ which also describes him well.
So, my dear Luno had problems with a flat. His ex did not want to leave the apartment which he owned. He was very calm about it, and I was sincerely not understanding what on earth is going on. As far as I know, they were not together for almost 8 months. Further more, if you break up with someone, staying in the apartment is for sure a strange way to deal with the whole thing… Another thing, why let a woman stay in the flat and be basically homeless because he did not want to leave with her anymore, which is very much understandable after a break up.
So, he found a flat to rent, really expensive, basically some of my friends’ month salary is the price of the apartment’s rent… Hmmm… So he could afford to pay two extremely expensive places, but he could not afford to pay me a dinner or even a stay in the farm. No, I am not a gold digger, but as my income is very low, and if man actually can afford moer than normally, why not to make some input…
And of course the location of the flat… It was close to the place where his own apartment was. As he said, it was a pure accident, he just found a place there which was affordable and nice.
Damn… it all was months ago, and I hate that f”’cking piece of sh’t!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up on Monday morning really relaxed and I did not care much of him. I was very surprised that he texted me at 11 asking how I am doing, how I slept, of course he used all this kissing smilies. Hmmm… I ready had a concern, and the main ting I was surprised about him texting me as I pretty much thought that it all was an end. But it turned out that it wasn’t.
He asked when we could meet and that he misses me very much. I said Tuesday.
On Tuesday, things were nice. Then, he had a trip for Madrid. I had some strange feeling. No, it was not love or anything close to it, it was some dependence, attachment. Not a good one, more like an addiction to a drug, which makes you feel good but ruins you at the end. Yes, it was that…
I was begging him to meet on Friday, when he is back. I felt he is sleaping away, but I was already addicted…
By the way, I don’t remember if I told you this or not. There was a strange story about his apartment, I will tell more next tim!
As you know I quit everything in one country and left for 2 months for the other one, to the place where I enjoy everything. In July, I had the flight back to the place where I was staying permanently. But… I did not return, I am still staying in my favourite country, the country where I was so happy and where I am so broken now. It is all so surreal, I still refuse believe it happened to me. No No No! It is impossible, it happens only in movies! not in live!!!
I start from the very beginning… Last year, during my trip to my favourite country, I got a match on Tinder with a local man. I never took seriously Tinder, so we werwee just chatting online. Then, I returned home, and he kept texting me, asking to have a weekend trip somewhere. Of course, I refused! Come on! I never saw him in my life, he can be anything! and which normal person will ask a random girl to meet in another country!? But we stayed in touch though with seldom messaging.
Then, I arrived here, to my favourite country. He became very active and pushy to meet. I was hardly ready because I still had my leg problems and I was getting strong mentally. In addition, I got a cultural shock.
Nevertheless, we met and went to do sightseeing in a neighbourhood town. My first impression of him was not nice, he looked like a player, he was very slicky and for some reason just unpleasant. But I went to the tour, so I did not really care. At the end of the day, we had a drink, my first drink after trauma… one glass of wine was enough to weaken my strength and precautions, to kill my intuition. We went to the beach and we were playing with water, and he kissed me…
On that day, we spent together 14 hours! 14 hours! I never stayed with a person I hardly know that long…. and I never will again…
This was expected to happen. Spanish guy texted and offered to have sex. I don’t know why I am surprised about it. Maybe because I draw some lines for myself, which include not having sex with a man who is not interested in me. I am angry at him, and at the same time I want to do it. Yes, it is a normal reaction from my side. I just should resist, but there is a problem. I damaged my leg two weeks ago, and it is not improving. This week was home all the time, I am bored and angry that I can’t do what I got used to do – sports, going out, meeting friends, even normal food shopping. I hardly talked to any person. At any other moment, it will be so easy to say ‘no’, but not now. He tried to persuade me already twice, I managed to refuse. If he asks for the third time, I will agree…
I know I shouldn’t.. But why not? We already crossed the line, and this time won’t change anything. Any way, I am in the process of recovery and all my promises/borderlines will be in force as soon as I am back to normal life… Damn…
When I have arrived to the airport, I switched on the phone. There was a message from my boyfriend saying: “Have a safe flight”. I replied: “Thank you! Already back to ###”. You may believe, you may not, but it was our last conversation… ever! I did not want to talk to him. As for him… I do not know, maybe the same, or maybe it was the way to check me, how I will act. But it does not matter.
After a couple of weeks he deleted me from social media. I was so happy that I did not have to confront him, that I did not have to talk to him, to explain anything. Yet, it was weird, it was a passive-aggressive act from his side. I do not think I know any man who will break up this way.
Finally, it was all over.
Interestingly, I still did not know the truth…
It was the day of departure. My boyfriend and I still were communicating like nothing happened. We both were closing our eyes on reality, I was avoiding serious conversations, he ignored the idea I was leaving. But it all was clear.
When I landed in my favourite country, I felt the relief. I was in the best place of the world, in the place where I feel more home than actually at home. I was in euphoria despite the enormous tiredness.
I was away for 10 days. What happened? How did it change my life?
Sometimes, being far a way from routine is already a good problem solution. I could see things from outside and I did not want to get back inside ever again. My ex was texting me the stuff that he loves me and misses me so badly. I was replying but I could not any more react on this. Enough is enough. He started asking me in his messages if I miss him. I ignored this. He was checking when I go to bed and wake up via some applications which show the last time you have been online. I was cold, I did not explain anything.
I had a friend there, we never had a chance to learn much about each other. This year we spent most of the time together. I remember sitting in the cafe with him and feeling not even tension but thunderstorm. My mouth was dry, hands – sweaty, legs – heavy, eyes – foggy, when he was near. The passion took over. The passion I never knew exists. The biggest connection I felt. I could not imagine the two can really be the one.
As I already wrote, my boyfriend was extremely happy when I was back from my trip. He was so caring and loving that I got even more suspicious about him than ever. So little time was left before us moving together. So little time and no discussions occurred about it recently. Now I started to feel the connection between his ‘love’ and no conversations about moving in.
It took three days before it all became clear why he was so attentive. We were having dinner at my place. At some point, my boyfriend became extremely nervous and he said we should talk about moving together. I already knew what we was going to say, I just waited under which source he will introduce it.
“It will be better that I move to this city and live for the beginning on my one. Then, gradually we can build something together. I always hurried in my previous relationships, and they failed. I want to take it slow this time. Nothing changed, I really love you”, that is exactly what was said to me. OH, SERIOSLY???!!!! DAMN, YOU TALKED ABOUT ENGAGEMENT FOR SUCH A LONG TIME, YOU TALKED ABOUT MOVING IN TOGETHER. I NEVER AKSED YOU TO! YOU WERE ‘MAKING LOVE’ TO MY BRAIN FOR SO LONG!
I had a lot of curses and questions in my head, but I could not pronounce a thing, I did not cry, I did not shout. I breathed in and out and asked him to leave. Right now.