Luno was late, almost 2 hours late than he promised.
When he arrived, he was not alone. He was with his brother-in-law and their common friend. It was very awkward moment because I planned to talk but it was not possible. And it was strange to be with 2 unknown man in the car for 2 hours. But everyone was nice, and it went smoothly, we even got some good laugh.
We arrived and had a small talk with the guys. The bother in law aske Luno in their own language which I hardly speak:
- So what is the plan?
- (Luno:) She is only 30, and in autumn her visa expires and she goes back
I thought I did not understand it correctly, I still was ignoring obvious things, I still preferred to life in lies… I listened, but I did not hear the truth…
The first day away felt very empty. It was this scary silence which is so heavy. I did not want to hear the voices in my head which were very evil to me and my feeling. I tried to go to bed as early as possible.
The other 2 days went really well, I was at the beach, doing sightseeing, I was very busy with anything else but thinking of the situation with Luno.
The last 2 days of the trip I spent close to the home town of Luno. And… by chance… he was there those days with his brother-in-law. only 30 minutes drive from me.
My head became heavier than before… I tried to do sightseeing, but it was difficult to consentrate. He was so close, and he did not want to meet… well, he said that he would invite me to join, but as I want to be on my own for now, he respects it, and the next day when he drives back he will pick me up.
Yes, this meant that he gonna go to the party on that Saturday night with his friends, and I will be so close to him and alone… I still did not want to see what was going on…
It was Monday, the next day was a national holiday. I decided to be proactive and ask about his plans. He did not hurry with the answer, then he said that we can go to 2 different parties, and people there are very open-minded and they lived abroad. It felt strange because the fact that I am a foreigner was obviously some kind of a problem for him…
But we went to a party, and it was amazing, I had a great time, and finally.. I met some of his friends. I felt inspired, I felt happy, I felt he is becoming serious about me.
Our communication from the very beginning was full of alert signs which I did not see, or better to say which i simply ignored…
At some point, I started talking to the host and one more man. They were smart, they had great social skills and amazing sense of humour. I had great time with them. and honestly, I tried to impress them… so that my Luno will be proud of me…
When we were walking home, Luno said that the host and the other man I talked to are bad people, well, bad towards women, they are players, they do terrible things behind back, and that I should stay away from them…
Hmmm… I did not really care because I was with Luno, I just had a nice conversation… And why on earth telling me about their dark sides if I asked nothing about them?
So, he was back from his trip to Madrid. It was Friday, and we met for dinner. This time, I was the on who initiated the date. I wanted to tell me about my feeling which I started having. Yes, only after 3 weeks. But I thought that its good to know what he is up too and break our communicated if we are not on the same page, to break it before the feelings are too strong.
And I did, carefully and uncertainly. He was not happy about it. He told me things are going to fast, and we should enjoy the moment. Now, it is too early to think of anything.
After that, we had a weird forced talk in the car for more than 3 hours. Then, we drove to his rented flat because in his own the ex was living (read more in the previous post). Yes, it was a stupid decision. I know I should have gone home, but I was already too much poisoned with Luno…
First f all, as many posts will be about that man, I decided to give him a name or nickname, whatever – Luno. That’s a mixture of letter from his real name and very close to ‘lunatic’ which also describes him well.
So, my dear Luno had problems with a flat. His ex did not want to leave the apartment which he owned. He was very calm about it, and I was sincerely not understanding what on earth is going on. As far as I know, they were not together for almost 8 months. Further more, if you break up with someone, staying in the apartment is for sure a strange way to deal with the whole thing… Another thing, why let a woman stay in the flat and be basically homeless because he did not want to leave with her anymore, which is very much understandable after a break up.
So, he found a flat to rent, really expensive, basically some of my friends’ month salary is the price of the apartment’s rent… Hmmm… So he could afford to pay two extremely expensive places, but he could not afford to pay me a dinner or even a stay in the farm. No, I am not a gold digger, but as my income is very low, and if man actually can afford moer than normally, why not to make some input…
And of course the location of the flat… It was close to the place where his own apartment was. As he said, it was a pure accident, he just found a place there which was affordable and nice.
Damn… it all was months ago, and I hate that f”’cking piece of sh’t!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up on Monday morning really relaxed and I did not care much of him. I was very surprised that he texted me at 11 asking how I am doing, how I slept, of course he used all this kissing smilies. Hmmm… I ready had a concern, and the main ting I was surprised about him texting me as I pretty much thought that it all was an end. But it turned out that it wasn’t.
He asked when we could meet and that he misses me very much. I said Tuesday.
On Tuesday, things were nice. Then, he had a trip for Madrid. I had some strange feeling. No, it was not love or anything close to it, it was some dependence, attachment. Not a good one, more like an addiction to a drug, which makes you feel good but ruins you at the end. Yes, it was that…
I was begging him to meet on Friday, when he is back. I felt he is sleaping away, but I was already addicted…
By the way, I don’t remember if I told you this or not. There was a strange story about his apartment, I will tell more next tim!
Just before leaving the place, he turned out to be in bed. Again, he started telling me strange things:
– This moment was nice, even if it will never repeat again.
What the hell!! Yes, this is the thing you tell to a woman a minute after you were so close. yep.. He continued his marvellous speech
– Ocean, this farm, you, me. All so perfect, the moment. No future, no past. and there wont be any future.
I got super upset with these words. Indeed, we don’t know what gonna happen tomorrow. Indeed, it is very unlikely that we will get married and start a family. Even the fact of being a boyfriend and a girl friend is pretty much under the question, but still… Very strange phrase at the beginning of our communication…
I just decided to think about my work and studies rather than a man whose mood is shifting much more often than mine… And of course, on the way back, he was nice again. He was so caring and attentive, he was holding my hand, kissing me. And I was happy to be with him again.