Chill Sunday

Chill Sunday

Next day he texted me and apologised for the accident with the car. I did not really care about the car, I was confused with the bipolar behaviour he exposed towards me.

He asked if I am available in the evening, due to my stupidity and unwillingness to play games, I agreed to meet.

He was very nice and warm, very attentive and gentle. We went for a walk in the park, we looked like we are in love, he was holding my hand, hugging me.

I asked him if he will drive me to the south of the country next weekend, he said yes.

He drove me home, in the car, in front of my staircase, he started talking about his favourite movies. Strangely, I felt so disconnected.. I just wanted to end the conversation, to go home…

I was already in bed, checking my Facebook, and I saw he became friends with some woman. He did that before, but this time I had a strange feeling, I had an alert on inside. I felt it is just a beginning of a story…

Life is like a movie… a thriller

Life is like a movie… a thriller

As you know I quit everything in one country and left for 2 months for the other one, to the place where I enjoy everything. In July, I had the flight back to the place where I was staying permanently. But… I did not return, I am still staying in my favourite country, the country where I was so happy and where I am so broken now. It is all so surreal, I still refuse believe it happened to me. No No No! It is impossible, it happens only in movies! not in live!!!

I start from the very beginning… Last year, during my trip to my favourite country, I got a match on Tinder with a local man. I never took seriously Tinder, so we werwee just chatting online. Then, I returned home, and he kept texting me, asking to have a weekend trip somewhere. Of course, I refused! Come on! I never saw him in my life, he can be anything! and which normal person will ask a random girl to meet in another country!? But we stayed in touch though with seldom messaging.

Then, I arrived here, to my favourite country. He became very active and pushy to meet. I was hardly ready because I still had my leg problems and I was getting strong mentally. In addition, I got a cultural shock.

Nevertheless, we met and went to do sightseeing in a neighbourhood town. My first impression of him was not nice, he looked like a player, he was very slicky and for some reason just unpleasant. But I went to the tour, so I did not really care. At the end of the day, we had a drink, my first drink after trauma… one glass of wine was enough to weaken my strength and precautions, to kill my intuition. We went to the beach and we were playing with water, and he kissed me…

On that day, we spent together 14 hours! 14 hours! I never stayed with a person I hardly know that long…. and I never will again…

The Return

The Return

When I have arrived to the airport, I switched on the phone. There was a message from my boyfriend saying: “Have a safe flight”. I replied: “Thank you! Already back to ###”. You may believe, you may not, but it was our last conversation… ever! I did not want to talk to him. As for him… I do not know, maybe the same, or maybe it was the way to check me, how I will act. But it does not matter.

After a couple of weeks he deleted me from social media. I was so happy that I did not have to confront him, that I did not have to talk to him, to explain anything. Yet, it was weird, it was a passive-aggressive act from his side. I do not think I know any man who will break up this way.

Finally, it was all over.

Interestingly, I still did not know the truth…

Passion

Passion

It was the day of departure. My boyfriend and I still were communicating like nothing happened. We both were closing our eyes on reality, I was avoiding serious conversations, he ignored the idea I was leaving. But it all was clear.

When I landed in my favourite country, I felt the relief. I was in the best place of the world, in the place where I feel more home than actually at home. I was in euphoria despite the enormous tiredness.

I was away for 10 days. What happened? How did it change my life?

Sometimes, being far a way from routine is already a good problem solution. I could see things from outside and I did not want to get back inside ever again. My ex was texting me the stuff that he loves me and misses me so badly. I was replying but I could not any more react on this. Enough is enough. He started asking me in his messages if I miss him. I ignored this. He was checking when I go to bed and wake up via some applications which show the last time you have been online. I was cold, I did not explain anything.

I had a friend there, we never had a chance to learn much about each other. This year we spent most of the time together. I remember sitting in the cafe with him and feeling not even tension but thunderstorm. My mouth was dry, hands – sweaty, legs – heavy, eyes – foggy, when he was near. The passion took over. The passion I never knew exists. The biggest connection I felt. I could not imagine the two can really be the one.

 

Third Anonymous Letter

Third Anonymous Letter

I was so concentrated on describing my feelings that I totally forgot to tell you about the third anonymous letter. Exactly like the first one, it was sent to me via social media. The good thing about it was that she did not send it to me to my working email, when she did it for the second time.

The whole thing rises million questions, but probably the main one is Why on earth to contact someone for 3 times? Why was she keeping up doing it? What was her motive? I personally do not think it is a mentally health act. One letter telling me that my boyfriend is a cheater and a liar is more than enough.

If previous times she sounded ‘nice’ and ‘helpful’, this time she was full of aggression towards me, writing that “he cheated all this women” and he for sure will do it to me and wrapping it up with “GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!!!!! IF YOU ARE SO BLIND!!!!!”. That was way too expressive, for some reason she really wanted us to break up.

I was already so exhausted with it all, that I simply could not care anymore. More than that, I knew she was right about him, but why to put her hatred towards me?

I immediately called my boyfriend and said that I got a new letter, it was our agreement that I will inform him. Instead of support, he became furious and basically turned it so that it was my fault.  No searching for solution to the problem, no protecting me from the psychic. Nice…

Many times I tried to talk to him about the whole thing, but I hardly could get a reply. A bit later, he came up with some story that it is his crazy ex and she asked him to return 6oo euros to her, but he refused. After that (according to him), she started going insane. I really doubt that a woman who has a respectful job and decent income will drop on that level. I do believe that a woman writing anonymous letter should have a way stronger motivation…

The Time Before I Left

The Time Before I Left

Several days left before my trip to another country, before my escape from pain and disrespect. I am not a mean person, on the contrary, I always was afraid to hurt people. But this time, I did not care how my boyfriend felt. More than that, I was happy I gonna hurt him, in a way it was his karma for playing lie games to me and obviously other women.

It is unbelievable how confident he was just before I announced about my trip. He was so sure I won’t leave him, that I am attached and dependant. He thought he could get away with his broken promises about engagement and moving in together, bullsh#t about his life, and of course the information provided in those anonymous letters. He was an expert, he was a professional in lies, he got used to manipulate, but this time he failed. I was a step ahead.

He were still in touch, but he was really frustrated, this was not what he expected. He still were telling me he loves me. He walked me to the departure bus, he was silent, I tried to suppress my happiness. Mentally I was away.  I simple wish I had done it much earlier…

Telling him that I am leaving

Telling him that I am leaving

We were still together officially. Like always in borderline situations, he became more attentive and caring. He started bullsh#itting with new power. He was asking me what his family should do with a summer cottage and if they should sell it. It was so bizarre. I never was interested in the property of other people and the last thing I would do is to interfere with my opinion. My boyfriend said that I am a part of the family and my opinion counts. He also said we should already  buy tickets to southern France to spend next summer vacation there, and it was only August. Nice to prepare a year ahead… It was the point when the circle closed. When we just started dating, the first promised which never came true was a trip to France for 2 weeks. We never went to France.

It was 3 days left before my departure, and he still did not have a clue. It was the time to tell him about my plans. On that day, he came to my place for a dinner. He brought pills against throat ache (I had a flu) and dying cheap flowers. Such flowers are usually on 50% discount in shops. The flowers were getting dry and the life was abandoning them. The flowers were the symbol of our relationship. My boyfriend was so happy and proud of himself. He truly believed that these pills and flowers were the final things to fix our relationship, the last drop we were lacking. He sincerely believed I would melt…

But I didn’t. We ate and I said to him that I am leaving for my favourite country. He was shocked, he was so sure I am fully hooked with his lies. He knew my finance situation was pretty weak, and the last thing I would do is travelling. He could not believe I would do it, me who was so silent and seemed to absurb it all. He started humbling that 3 days is a short notice and my friends there simply won’t time for me. There were many little excuses. But I was going. He was speechless. I felt relief.