Chill Sunday

Chill Sunday

Next day he texted me and apologised for the accident with the car. I did not really care about the car, I was confused with the bipolar behaviour he exposed towards me.

He asked if I am available in the evening, due to my stupidity and unwillingness to play games, I agreed to meet.

He was very nice and warm, very attentive and gentle. We went for a walk in the park, we looked like we are in love, he was holding my hand, hugging me.

I asked him if he will drive me to the south of the country next weekend, he said yes.

He drove me home, in the car, in front of my staircase, he started talking about his favourite movies. Strangely, I felt so disconnected.. I just wanted to end the conversation, to go home…

I was already in bed, checking my Facebook, and I saw he became friends with some woman. He did that before, but this time I had a strange feeling, I had an alert on inside. I felt it is just a beginning of a story…

The Magic Happened

The Magic Happened

We met for the second time. He was very nice and attentive. He was not the most handsome man at all. But his manners were ones of a gentleman. He was smart, with good sense of humour, stylish, and a sporty body, and a good job.

I did not know his age. He avoided telling me. My guess is 37-42. I don’t know, well.. I did not know.

Our dinner was short because he had to go and finish his work before the business trip. He was texting me the whole night so much he wants to see me again. He was telling me how sorry he is our ‘meeting’ was shot.

We met on Friday evening, he came to pick me up for the dinner straight from the airport. He was exhausted, yet, wanted to see me. That was the highlight of our time together, that was the moment when I melted and started having doubts that I should stay away.

He was a gentleman, he did not push me to anything. We just kissed till 4 a.m. at the beach.

Nice Beginning

Nice Beginning

The next day I woke up with the feeling, I should stay away from that man. I had a strange unpleasant after taste. I do not know why, but it did not feel right. At 14 45 he sent me the pictures he took the day before because his camera was better. Just picture and “good day”. We texted a bit and he was so nice and sweet. I still did not buy it for some reason. The next day I texted him that I bought a text book to learn the language of the country I was staying, and he said he wants to see me again either on Tuesday or Weekend. We agreed on Tuesday. I curse the day I agreed…

Life is like a movie… a thriller

Life is like a movie… a thriller

As you know I quit everything in one country and left for 2 months for the other one, to the place where I enjoy everything. In July, I had the flight back to the place where I was staying permanently. But… I did not return, I am still staying in my favourite country, the country where I was so happy and where I am so broken now. It is all so surreal, I still refuse believe it happened to me. No No No! It is impossible, it happens only in movies! not in live!!!

I start from the very beginning… Last year, during my trip to my favourite country, I got a match on Tinder with a local man. I never took seriously Tinder, so we werwee just chatting online. Then, I returned home, and he kept texting me, asking to have a weekend trip somewhere. Of course, I refused! Come on! I never saw him in my life, he can be anything! and which normal person will ask a random girl to meet in another country!? But we stayed in touch though with seldom messaging.

Then, I arrived here, to my favourite country. He became very active and pushy to meet. I was hardly ready because I still had my leg problems and I was getting strong mentally. In addition, I got a cultural shock.

Nevertheless, we met and went to do sightseeing in a neighbourhood town. My first impression of him was not nice, he looked like a player, he was very slicky and for some reason just unpleasant. But I went to the tour, so I did not really care. At the end of the day, we had a drink, my first drink after trauma… one glass of wine was enough to weaken my strength and precautions, to kill my intuition. We went to the beach and we were playing with water, and he kissed me…

On that day, we spent together 14 hours! 14 hours! I never stayed with a person I hardly know that long…. and I never will again…

Step Backwards?

Step Backwards?

As you know, I got a terrible injury to my leg almost 3 weeks ago. It is hardly healing, so all activities like shopping and go errands are not possible. I also live in the country, where people are very distant, and even friends hardly visit me… I ran out of food, and I got tired with the sh#tty food from a small near-by shop, the only place to which I could get.

So, I texted the guy whom I met on the New Year, yep… I know it was a wrong thing to do, but he is the only one who usually does have time. We agreed that on Tuesday he will drive me to the shop. I was quite surprised that he agreed and even answered, considering how badly he parted.

When he saw how damaged my leg was, he became so caring. In the shop, I was basically sitting while he picked the products from my shopping list. We laughed a lot, the trip turned out to be a great fun. Of course, the main reason was that it was so nice to be out of the flat. Secondly, I was not any more embarrassed talking to him, I was myself.

He drove me back and carried my bags up. When he was leaving, he said that he will help me for sure again, and if I need to go somewhere I should ask him for help. We hugged as friends. He left me with absolute piece inside. This is the feeling I remember from the beginning of our short relationships.

Damn… I keep up thinking of him. He was so nice, and that’s the problem. I don’t want to misinterpret his niceness. I plan to ask him to come over and watch a movie this Friday. This is the only time when I can use my leg as an excuse, I need a company. His reaction I wait most, if he will want it or not. The problem is that now it can really work for us, I am very calm and not overexcited about him. Let’s wait till Friday.. Its already tomorrow.

 

No News

No News

A couple of week passed. I was not in touch with that man since my last post. I was not in touch with any other man either. This is going as planned. I need to stay away from men from awhile till I get myself back…

I just realised the other fields of life are in mess. I did not really cared of my job, about other necessary things. And I got a flu. The life stopped.

My plan was to take care and progress at work and in self-development, but I stuck. Am I depressed? I hope not. But I have the symptoms.. What is happening. This guy really damaged me. I thought it is not that bad, but I should admit, it actually hurt me so badly.

I stopped exercising, I cat say I care much of my appearance. I stuck on each field. I do not progress. I do not go further. What should I do? Where do I start to cure myself?

Tomorrow, I will wake up and do yoga. Yoga and green tea will be my cure. Mental go physical and physical go mental. If I care of my body, my soul will be cured, too. I hope it will…

Strange Men Around

Strange Men Around

As I already mentioned in my previous posts, I decided to stay away from men for awhile and take care of myself. And I follow my plan.

A while ago, in summer, on Instagram I got a message from a man. He is a professor in my favourite country, he lived sometime in the country I live now, and he is in love with my home country (sounds a bit complex, sorry!). We started chatting and he added me on facebook. We had short conversations, nothing personal, more related to the academic life.

Two weeks ago, that man texted me and informed that will be a visiting professor for a week in the country I live, and he asked if I have time to meet and chat. On Friday last week, I was in that city (it is very close to the city I live in) and I said that we can meet. For me it was all a friendly meeting with the smart educated man I never saw in my life. So, I did not consider the meeting romantic in any away.

We met in a cafe, and he said he will pay my coffee. I wanted to pay myself, but I accepted his offer because the sum was minimal and it is normal for men to pay for a woman in his country. We had a really nice conversation about academic life in general. He was easy to communicate with, again I did not consider him as a potential affair because he was simply not in my taste, he was too old for me (14 years older) and because I needed time to be alone. More than enough.

But something went wrong! No, not from my side! I missed the point when a friendly meeting turned to a date! I felt awkward! I did not know how to react!

So, I said to him that my bus leaves in 2 hours. He said that I should eat something before that. Make sense, right? He pushed me to go to a restaurant instead of grabbing a sandwich. Well.. ok… it is a proper meal then. He pushed into taking a glass of wine with the meal, it is Friday after all! Time to pay has come. Of course, I planned to pay my part myself. But he did not allow. The waiter came, and the situation got really awkward. I was forced to accept that he pays.. That was a real psychological game going on…

After he paid, he took my hand and started telling me how awesome I am, how happy he is to meet me, that I am smart and beautiful and.. he feels strong connection between us.

WHAAAAAT? I do not feel any connection, I feel ANTIconnection after those words. I was so shocked and I remained silent.. He continued his speech that he wants to read the books I read and other bullsh#t. Of course, he wanted me to stay and not go back. I had a second to create a reason I need to go. I do not even remember what I came up with. Does not matter.

Luckily, it was the time to go to the bus station. He wanted to go there with me, I was telling him that there is no need, but he was very pushy.

Damn… the bus is laaaaaateeee! I want to leave now!!!!

Then, he hugged me and try to kiss, I turned away. He kept hugging me, I squeezed out from his hand. It all was happening in a crowded place. I did not want to him to approach me but he did not read the message. He continued interfering my private space and I continued to push him away. It was so awkward. I did not want to make a scene in a public place.

The bus came, and he hugged me again, saying that he adores me so much and then he said: “It was clear it’s gonna work for us already before, but now I am sure. I am back in April, and we must do something together then”. WHAAAT?

I have 2 explanations: either he is mental or he is a terrible manipulative person. He is so smart and educated that I hardly believe that he did not realize what he was doing. His social skills are also fine, we met so many his friends, and they were really happy yo see him.

It is unbelievable but he exactly reminded me my ex who was telling me the same loud word so quickly. This type of men have women in different cities and actively bullsh#t to them, so that next time they are in town they have a quality company.

What really surprises me is their self-esteem! They think if they tell a woman that they are seriously interested, the woman will met down… sorry, no!!!! Women are different, and nowadays to get married is not the main goal.  More then that… Have you seen yourself in a mirror? I am not attracted!

Unlike my ex, this man was even more dangerous because he was super good in manipulations. He gradually turned a friend-type meeting into a date.. and he did a lot to suppress my will!

And yes, the blame is on me, too. I should have been stronger! He just noticed that I am a nice person who does not make scenes in public and who is very soft. I can’t believe I let it happen. This just supports what my friends told me: “There are always weird men around you”. I have to admit, yes, there are. And the problem is that I let it happen. I do need time to make myself stronger, so this will never happen again.