I still think of him.. It is not any more obsession I had about him, but he is still on my mind. He is piercing me all through still. I feel it less and less, I am progressing. I am coping. As I told you in a previous post, I stuck. No motivation, no strength to move forward.
There is one thought I caught myself on… It is a crazy thought. It is not my thought. I can’t have it on my mind, at least I never had before. I just wanna f#ck around.It is insane because I am absolutely a ‘good girl’ type. I never even did one night stands. It is not my thing. It was not. I am so tired of being good, polite. I am tired of being an angel. Men don’t respect angels. I wanna go on a dark side now. I want to make them crazy about me. I want them crave for me. I want them to beg me stay but I won’t. I am not any more afraid to hurt people because they are not afraid to hurt me. I just want to do what I feel like and not depend on anyone’s opinion. There is a devil inside me, and always been. I should say my parents did a great work to suppress it. But I am done. I am done with being nice. I am done with being used. It is time to switch the side.
mypainfulsecretsblog 
It’s not a switch. Don’t think it can be done.
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Maybe it is not a switch, maybe it is just a stage
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Actually, some of us do respect angels. But it’s good that you are finding a way to put yourself back on track after everything. Hope it’s the right one. 😉
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Thank you for a nice comment! I think it is just a respect to myself, which I should learn. Then, people will respect me in return.
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Do what you need to do. If that means exploring “the dark side” then do it. I have from time to time and enjoyed it. Take care of yourself first.. We women have been taught all our lives to take care of others and it is not healthy to ignore ourselves and our needs.
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Thank you for your advice! I wish I could read this when you just posted it… It could safe me from a terrible mistake…
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