It was very painful to be with Luno, I constantly was down, humilated, depressed. So, I left.
It was not that a big city, and people knew each other and they were social. Very soon, I learnt who Luno was… It was a completely different person then I knew.
He was a rich well-known person (I did not know that because I was a foreigner). He was 6 years older than he told me. Yes, he was in a good shape that’s why it was easy to believe.
Luno rented an average car, although he was an owner of a business-class car…Yes, he always presented himself as an average guy, who has a basic salary. I am not a gold digger at all, and I like when people do not show off, but:
He rented the flat, where we were staying. There were several flats in the city he rented… for dating and bullsh#ting…
But the heart-breakng thing.. HE WAS MARRIED, AND HE HAD CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!! I cant believe he lied about this… WHAT AN ACTOR! REALLY DESERVES AN OSCAR!!!!
Things started going really strange after my question if we are a BF and a GF. He became mean… It was unbearable… He was hurting me and he knew what he was doing. He did it on purpose.
He could say that he misses me, and that he does not care and he says it because people fall for this sh#t…
I started going out with friends more and he stopped being the only person i was in touch. He started calling me a wh#re every time spent time with my friends.
I could not reply anything on that. I was suffering silently. I was too weak to react, I was too small and humilated to reply…
We came to his place, he carried out my lugguage to his place. I knew I needed to ask him about our status. I was scared, I gave myself 5 minutes more, then 5 minutes more. It was 30 minutes of time. I am still afraid, maybe because deep inside I knew the answer, I did not want to hear..
me – Are we a boyfriend and a girlfriend?
he – (silence)
me – People ask me if i have a boyfriend, and I dont know what to reply
he – you can reply whatever you want
me – and so?
he – well, you want me to be your boyfriend? (looking at me happily)
me – yes
he- you know, it is too soon to talk about it. and i am not sure what i want at this stage.
Very clear answer which i ignore. Luno was very good at communication, he smoothed the awkward moment and made the situation chill and relaxed again..
And we ended up having the closest moment ever… in bed…
Luno was late, almost 2 hours late than he promised.
When he arrived, he was not alone. He was with his brother-in-law and their common friend. It was very awkward moment because I planned to talk but it was not possible. And it was strange to be with 2 unknown man in the car for 2 hours. But everyone was nice, and it went smoothly, we even got some good laugh.
We arrived and had a small talk with the guys. The bother in law aske Luno in their own language which I hardly speak:
- So what is the plan?
- (Luno:) She is only 30, and in autumn her visa expires and she goes back
I thought I did not understand it correctly, I still was ignoring obvious things, I still preferred to life in lies… I listened, but I did not hear the truth…
I was doing sightseeing and my mood was down. I met a Brazilian man who was also travelling on his own. We talked a lot and we started discussing private life. I told him what was torturing me so badly. He wanted to support me but he could not. He openly said that my situation looked bad… that why on earth Luno cannot join me or invite me there.
We all knew why, but I was the only one who rejected the truth, I did not want to see it.
The last chance was to talk the next day. The final talk which will determine the future…
The first day away felt very empty. It was this scary silence which is so heavy. I did not want to hear the voices in my head which were very evil to me and my feeling. I tried to go to bed as early as possible.
The other 2 days went really well, I was at the beach, doing sightseeing, I was very busy with anything else but thinking of the situation with Luno.
The last 2 days of the trip I spent close to the home town of Luno. And… by chance… he was there those days with his brother-in-law. only 30 minutes drive from me.
My head became heavier than before… I tried to do sightseeing, but it was difficult to consentrate. He was so close, and he did not want to meet… well, he said that he would invite me to join, but as I want to be on my own for now, he respects it, and the next day when he drives back he will pick me up.
Yes, this meant that he gonna go to the party on that Saturday night with his friends, and I will be so close to him and alone… I still did not want to see what was going on…
I felt so relieved when I met his friends. I felt that Luno feels comfortable about introducing me to his friends. It is in a way unspoken acceptance, unspoken step forward.
Nevertheless, I had a terrible feeling. I did not understand why, but I had a sensation that something is going on. but what? and why I have these thoughts? No clue.
I had a business trip to the north of the country for a day, but I decide to travel there for almost a week. I just wanted to be face to face to my feelings, listen to what my heart and my soul were telling me.. and what they were whispering to me was not nice…